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"For the Unaware"
posted March 22, 2006 @8:41p
I really haven't gotten much sleep in the past few weeks. Thom Yorke of Radiohead has been quoted as saying that his biggest musical influence is lack of sleep...

But it's not working for me, I'm feeling quite uninspired...

So today, for those who are unaware, I provide an abridged Jason Wells twenty-three-fact-sheet.

Fact #1: I do my best to shoot it straight. What you see is pretty much what you get. My closest people already know this one, so they approach me if they have a concern or grievance. And if they ask me a question, they know I won't hold back.

Fact #2: What goes around comes around, and that's without any assistance from me whatsoever.

Fact #3: I'm pretty sure mayonnaise comes from the devil.

Fact #4: I'm almost always un-bored and content. And I'm gonna assume you are, too, unless you tell me you're not. Repeatedly. And loudly.

Fact #5: I'm good at reading a situation and being able to predict the outcome, unless I'm directly involved in it; in that case, I'm almost completely oblivious.

Fact #6: My forgiveness level is that of a dog, and I hate it. You can kick a dog and tell him he's the worst thing that ever happened to you... But as soon as you whistle and call him in that sweet doggy voice, "c'mon boy! c'mon!" he comes running back to you like nothing ever happened. Stupid dog.

Fact #7: I swim like a sugar-cured ham.

Fact #8: I probably won't shake your hand. I'll shake your wrist, your arm, your shoulder, your head... but probably not your hand. No offense.

Fact #9: I won't show up at your place uninvited. And if I do get an invitation, I probably won't knock on your door or ring your bell when I arrive. You'll have to somehow magically find out I'm there and open the door to invite me in.

Fact #10: I have two levels of trust I put in people: full and none. And if I trust you, I'm so trusting and naive that you'll be able to trick me for a very long time. But once I find you out, you'll never do it again.

Fact #11: I brush my teeth with my eyes closed, which has caused more than one bloody mouth accident.

Fact #12: I feel like the laziest person ever invented.

Fact #13: Don't tell me something horrible and tragic and expect me not to care. If you don't want me to care, don't tell me. Please.

Fact #14: It takes me about two minutes to fall asleep. And this can happen just about anywhere, anytime.

Fact #15: The addition of butter can improve almost anything.

Fact #16: This one I just recently discovered - when I'm overstressed, my teeth chatter.

Fact #17: I rarely talk about anything personal, unless you ask. And even then, I probably won't freely give much specific information. Unless you ask.

Fact #18: It usually takes at least two attempts to reach me on the phone.

Fact #19: I've had 41 car accidents. That's if you count telephone polls, mailboxes, buildings, pedestrians, etc.

Fact #20: I believe that most mean people aren't empty inside; they are probably filled with mayonnaise.

Fact #21: Barring the Percocet Incident and the Spit Up of '99 (which really doesn't count), I haven't puked in 19 years.

Fact #22: I cut my own hair from 1996 to 2005.

Fact #23: No matter how hard an enemy works to make me look like something I'm not, the truth always prevails. Eventually.

I'm so exhausted.

And my toe hurts.

You know, the third day after an injury is always the worst. Yeah, the pain can be pretty bad that first day. The second day, it gets a little worse... But on that third day... that's the day when the pain screams the loudest. When you reach that point, you got nowhere to go but up.

According my current level of pain, I'm living that third day. I don't see how it can feel worse than it does right now. It has to improve.


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